Life is too short for excuses..

  As I retired to my room after finishing my chores in the kitchen, I saw hubby chatting away with someone on the phone.He whispered to me that it was  his colleague KP on the phone. 

     While he conversed I recollected the good days spent with KP and his  family , the number of trips we made together , the fun we had when our kids were small.We had travelled to Silent Valley when my younger son was only 6 months old. Later to Parambikulam and Munnar too.His wife  Fasila was a nice lady , someone who was  easy to get along with. I found her closer to my nature , a little reticent yet enjoyed the company of a good friends.We had more or less common  likes and dislikes. Her husband on the other hand was  loud and eloquent , outspoken but friendly and fun loving. And when they had  accompanied us on our trips there had never been a dull moment. 

     But after we got transferred we moved to different places and the meets and trips became rare. Our kids had reached high school and their activities, studies and exams had kept us busy. My father's health and his constant visits to the hospital had kept us engaged even during vacations.             

      

      Hubby handed me the phone "Here, Fasila wants to talk to you " . I was glad to hear her voice. Fasila asked how I was and then complained that I had not been keeping in touch.. " It's been a long time since you called. Are you angry with me ? Have I said or done anything to upset or offend you? Any particular reason for not calling ? "

     I was confused. I could think of a  reason.There wasn't any . I was not angry or upset.But yes, it had been a while and I wondered why I had not made an effort to reconnect. 

" No Fasila, It's nothing. I have just been busy with other things . I do think of you often  and even wanted to call but then something or the other came up and I let it slide. " 

 What explanation do I give? I keep thinking of  my friends and relatives often but had never been courteous enough to make regular calls to enquire about their health or well being. I assumed they were all doing well, if not, I would have heard. Someone would have let me know. If at all I did think of making a call the thought came at the middle of a sleepless night which obviously  was never the right time to call someone. Fasila had not been computer savvy either so I could not even connect with her online. I had been finding Orkut and chats far more easier way to stay in touch with someone, those days . 

   

  I had tried to  tell her all this but I don't think I succeeded in convincing her. So I very conveniently changed the topic.Fasila then told me about their plan to go to Delhi on a holiday in April. She asked if we would like to join. I said it was not possible since my elder son had his series of entrance exams to attempt and till his admission was done we couldn't think of a holiday. I  promised to accompany them on their next tour. After some more small talk  I wished her a happy vacation and promised to  call  regularly after she returned .

 The vacations started and in between the entrance exams we visited our parents too. Hubby had gone to attend a friend's daughter's wedding. From the wedding venue he rang me 

" I am going to KP's house from here " 

" Why ? " 

" I just heard he has lost his wife"

 " Fasila ?? !!no way ! you have heard it wrong .It must be her mother .She is the one who is old in the family "

" No. Fasila had been down with chicken pox after returning from Delhi. This afternoon she had a cardiac arrest"

It took a while for me to react to this. I immediately called other friends who could confirm the news for me. Nobody had heard .They said they would find out and call back after a while. As I waited I prayed , hope this is not true ! But minutes later another  friend called back and confirmed the news.Hubby was to came back only  after the funeral. 

   I never saw Fasila again. I had no desire to see her lifeless body , her crying kids or her aged mother . I would never be able to console them. I stayed at home .The whole thing  yet to sink in . Her last  conversation still ringing in my ears .I never got a chance to speak to her again.

  A pang of guilt crept into my soul and my heart begged Fasila for forgiveness . I met  the family for the first time after Fasila's death at KP's brother's daughter's wedding. KP and kids looked fine . The daughters had grown big. They had moved on. 

KP remarried. The elder daughter got married recently. The younger daughter will soon enter college. 

There was another lady at the wedding, who came to me and held my hand . Fasila's aged mother. She looked older. I asked her how she was . and she replied .. 

"I am living ..I  have to . I have no option , do I ? " and she smiled .

 Here was a lady who had lost all her three children in the prime of their youth. Losing a child gives endless grief  to a mother. This lady has experienced  triple the  grief and yet she smiles. I could see the pain behind the smile. Today I pray for her health and wish her peaceful days till death embraces her . 

And when I have my own sorrows to deal with I gather solace from the fact that my sorrows are just like a speck of dust  when compared to that of Fasila's mother who lives on with an inconsolable sorrow. God bless her !

  Fasila, hope you  come down as a guardian angel to be beside your  mother when she needs someone's care and affection ..

When we take things for granted, 

these things eventually get taken away.

 Too often we don’t realize what we have

 until it’s gone.  

Too often we are too stubborn to say, 

“I’m sorry, I was wrong.” 

 Appreciate what you have, 

who loves you and who cares for you.

  You’ll never know how much they mean to you

 until the day they are no longer beside you.

Stop waiting for tomorrow;

 you will never get today back.

  It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past.  

It doesn’t matter how low or unworthy you feel right now. 

 The simple fact that you’re alive makes you worthy.  

Life is too short for excuses.