People say I am too quiet and reserved.Some add to that other adjectives like reticent,calm and modest. Some believe that I am so restrained that I could never get angry(they should ask my kids.)Some others think I am a snob.Some even whispered I was an inhuman egoist. Now I consider that a mean thing to say! How do you convince them that I am taciturn by disposition. These days I am in an attempt to change these views about me.
Most of the time I dwell in my dream world and it is when I am enjoying my stay there that someone known to me passes by and... I don't even notice that person .. I may be looking right into the person's face ,Yet I don't see him . What do u call that?Morose and unsocial behaviour of course!My reticent nature made people apprehensive about befriending me.
I always wondered how a loquacious person glided from one topic to another without making an effort to even think . I sometimes run out of topics and wait for the listener to suggest something . I sometimes hold the phone for minutes without conversing and keep the impatient listener waiting or I may just end the conversation abruptly and put the phone down .
What does one talk about? When I listen to little girls talk,they talk about "my doll and your doll".Big girls talk about "this boy and that boy " or "Sharukh Khan and Salman Khan " Mothers with school going kids talk about "my child and your child" "his marks and her marks" At a wedding it is ' this saree,and that jewellery". I visited an aunt who lived with her sister.I asked them how their health was doing,and the two sisters immediately became effusive about their aches and pains, and their discomforts and irregular bowel activities . I left the room as they continued to share their loo experiences. Even here they discussed comparative performances...
I am still probing for words and topics to talk about but I don't feel defective any more.In the meanwhile I use my smile to reconcile for my lack of words.Let my smile keep the people guessing !
I often regret my speech, but never my silence and the biggest lesson I learnt is............ " To leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
3 comments:
I have found intelligence and tranquility in your personality...and as I always said, your smile conveys a lot about you..I know this is a blog you wrote with your feelings all over it...and very contemporary too.Nice to see you opening out..and atleast in blogs you are very vocal...I think this is one of your best blogs...weldone!
"To leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment", Crazy....u must have been in the diplomatic services.This is a fine policy which very few practise, ultimately regretting at what they said rather than leaving it unsaid...Don't have any qualms about the habits mentioned here cos these are traits that most people have to grope with.I know a good friend of mine whose favourite dreaming time is while driving,and when the cop puts up the stop sign at intersections,he just drives past without noticing and finally lands up paying a hefty fine.
An interesting self introspection.
Honestly said, i have read your mind not at this blog, but elsewhere with multiple experiments unconsciously injected. no offence, but it sounds different..!! ;)
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