Don't let anyone dull your sparkle

   I had begun to feel  drained of all my positivity.. No, not because of negative people intruding into my space. It was  me voluntarily trespassing into theirs and not realizing how it sapped  all my energy. Nobody was deliberately making me feel so but I was permitting them to creep into my thoughts.
  Over the long periods of conversations on chat at least some of them have revealed a lot to me.They have opened up and shared very personal issues which one would discuss only with  someone close to heart. I have been privileged to feel so close  to many of my friends and relatives .

  
  A nephew who was in deep trouble had me listening to his problems late after midnight . He was desperate and totally depressed , considered himself a loser and a failure who could never fight back, the whole world considered him a culprit, an offender, a criminal, he said! He used harsh words to define himself. I tried my best to convince him that it was not so, that he had a lot of potential in him, that this was only a temporary setback and that  he would eventually do well in life. My  words made him feel good for a while but after every two days he would be down in the dumps yet again. I began to spend sleepless nights too fearing the boy may do something dreadful .. that he may end his life , and the thought of his sorrowful parents made me toss and turn in bed for days. My own son being around the same age I could understand the parent's plight.The talk went on for days. Besides giving him tips and instilling positive thoughts into him I also offered to help by passing over job links that would keep him engaged, some online job ... .I suggested inspiring and self-help  books he should be reading .. But everything bounced  back. Two days later he would again be back with his ' I am a loser' speech . I knew it was time for me to flee. I had done my best to help . If he has chosen not to apply any of it , then it is his choice. I gave him one  long sermon for the last time.
" First learn to respect yourself .Only then will the world respect you .If you are not qualified enough for a good job , qualify yourself , learn something  that will make you equipped for a job. Next time you speak so negatively I will come there and give you a good shake . You are passing on the negative vibes to me. Trust God and do your bit to improve your situation ...."  Blah blah blah .. I went on and on and then without waiting for his reply and with a relief of having given him a piece of my mind I fled . Now we avoid each other . he doesn't want anymore advice from me and I don't want to hear him whine either. But I sincerely wish him well and pray for him  everyday 

   One good friend who had sought my help every time she was in need of some positive energy and encouragement recently snubbed me off saying 'I will do what I feel like .I can decide for my self" Did I have to wait to hear that ? Shouldn't I have backed off long back ? We had started disagreeing more often than agreeing with each other. May be so much of sharing has made me feel so close to the person that I had become possessive and a lot more caring than I should be ..caring to the extent of intrusion . Although initially my wounded ego did feel offended  I withdrew into my shell and did some serious  introspection . Even I wouldn't like it if someone kept telling me what to do all the time so how then could I expect my words of guidance to be appreciated or acknowledged by others.

   I decided to step back before it got uglier. If the positivity  I tried to pass on returned as negativity to me it is more harmful for me  When trying to cheer someone up if the person tells you 'I don't want to be happy ' if she continues to complain and brood, then it's her choice . why should I let that choice of her's affect me ? 

  This was yet another incident that had me do a rethink. There have been others who have approached me when they wanted an audience to listen to them and I have lent my ears.. no matter how busy I was , but the problem with me was I tend to tag on even after the need was over. Looking back now I realize that was totally unnecessary.I should have also learnt to sever bonds or at least loosen the grip and gone back to 'minding my own business.'
   Hence I took a decision for myself . for my own well being .. 'MOVE ON ' . if someone needs me , I will be sought. And for my dear ones ..My companionship will always be offered , I am always available . Just a phone call  or just a ping and you will have my attention. I can offer to help  but only if you ask me for help and only for so long as you need it. I won't let your problems pull me down. I need only positive and cheerful people around me. People who can make me laugh and feel good. People who can inspire....
    But yes you are in my prayers , every day, every moment ..forever .

    God Bless  and good cheer :) 

“But other people also 'invite' us to behave like victims, when they complain about the unfairness of life, for example, and ask us to agree, to offer advice, to participate.

Be careful. When you join in that game you always end up losing.” 
― Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept